haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
These tits shall not be calmed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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