and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
