He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
