dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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