My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
