Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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