omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
