I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
