so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
