I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
