I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
