She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
