based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
