Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
