I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
