I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just invented taco cereal.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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