a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
