Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
