I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
