just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
