Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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