her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm passing your future prison.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
