I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
