i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
