I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
