I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
