Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Rumble strips road head = magical
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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