Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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