you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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