what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
