Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
