I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
