just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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