Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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