make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
