i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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