thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
