You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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