I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
