I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
