i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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