I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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