I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
