Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
