im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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