I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
