is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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