Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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