I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
