She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
