sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
