Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
