my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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