you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found puke in my bra..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
